Dear DITC:
I've been dating my boyfriend for a couple years, we had a spat, broke up for a while and got back together. Shortly thereafter, I got pregnant. I know it's his, and I want him to be a stand up man and support me through the whole process(birthing classes, baby expenses, etc). He says he wants a paternity test. Who does he think he is? I mean, I know it's his, why is he doing this?
Signed, WTF?
Dear WTF?
You "know" it's his, really? How exactly is that? Do you have access to some sort of pre-natal DNA testing device? Do you have ESP? Did you borrow the delorian and go into the future to find out the results of the test?
No, of course you didn't.
What does that mean? It means you don't know who the father is, and niether does he.
Think he's a dick? No, he's not. He's just being smart.
Take a minute to digest this undeniable truth:
A woman needs a man to impregnate her, and a woman needs a man to help her raise/provide for the baby.
THOSE MEN DO NOT HAVE TO BE THE SAME PERSON.
Quite often, they aren't. This doesn't mean women are sluts or or whores or evil. It's just a basic truth of evolution. Women are programmed to find the strongest seed they can during ovulation, and often that will lead her to the "alpha" or "player" type. She'll find herself dressing hotter than usual, being more flirtatious, and having sex with people she wouldn't normally, and often engaging in unprotected intercourse when she wouldn't otherwise.
This goes for women who are married, in committed relationships, etc. They will seek out the strongest seed, no matter where it may lie, because that's what they are designed to do.
Just as they are designed to do that, they are also designed to find the strongest male role model type to help her raise said child. Often they will seek him out and conveniently "get pregnant" shortly after they start getting physically intimate. They never tell the "provider type" about the other guys, because "they don't count." And frankly, she'd be stupid to tell him, because:
MEN REALLY LIKE/DESPERATELY NEED TO KNOW THAT THE KID(S) THEY ARE RAISING ARE THERE OWN.
Some men would gladly raise the child anyway, figuring that if they met the girl, and she had a kid, he'd love and raise anyway.
But for most men, myself included, we need to spread the seed. We need to know that kid we're paying for for the REST OF OUR LIVES is 100% the fruit of my loins.
That's not often the case. At least 11% of men in N. America are unknowingly raising children that are not theirs. That's the stat. I think it's MUCH MUCH HIGHER.
So what does that mean?
Look at it this way. You were broken up. You probably had sexual partners during that time. Anyone one of which could of potentially be the father of your child. Your man knows this. The timing of your pregnancy is fishy at best to him, and is bound to arise suspicion. He has every right to be on guard.
So before you and your girlfriends call him a shithead and go Lorena Bobbitt on him, try looking at his side of things. Then decide.
Friday, August 22, 2008
Monday, July 28, 2008
I need space....
This blog is now available here: http://www.dicksinthecity.com/2008/07/28/i-need-space/
Monday, June 16, 2008
Tuesday, May 20, 2008
Thursday, May 8, 2008
Wednesday, April 30, 2008
Shameless plug of my art....
I can't believe I'm still getting mileage out of this one, but I am. Here it is and enjoy! New short, "lent-less" is coming soon!
Wanna know why guys don't want to get married?
We're afraid we'll meet a nice girl, then after we get married, she'll turn into this....
Thursday, April 24, 2008
Therapuetic Value, or lack there of...
Q. My guy friend is having trouble with finding the kind of women he wants to meet, and to cheer up him I told him that he was a great guy and he would find the right girl someday. I thought he’d take it as a compliment, instead he got mad and stormed off. Why is that?
A. There are two things you should NEVER, EVER say to a guy.
1. Let’s just be friends(I’ve already covered this one)
2. You’re a great guy, you’ll find the right girl some day
The next time you think about saying that to a guy, do him a favor. Cut off his dick and then puree it in a food processor for sixty seconds. It’s way less painful, and nowhere near as emasculating.
Why do we feel that way? Well imagine your best girlfriend was trying to hook you up with this hot guy you like. In describing you to the guy, she says “she’s got a really great personality.” Which basically means you’re a fat cow, who only a blind man could love otherwise she’d be telling him how fucking hot and doable you are.
And when you found out about all this, you’d be pissed at her. You’d be like “why didn’t you tell him about my great rack! Or my nymphomania. Or the fact that I’ll have his babies(don’t tell us this one. Seriously. That’s dumb).” You’d go off on her for not selling your strong points, because a girl with “a good personality” is got about as much chance of getting laid as Jesse Jackson does being honored by the KKK.
Never, ever, ever say that to a man. Ever. Cut out your tongue if you have to. Kill yourself if it’s the only way to suppress the urge. It’s for the best, really.
Why do we feel this strongly? Because saying that to us, makes us feel like that guy from the PG 13 movie, the one that everyone is really pulling for, because they totally wanna see him get the girl. But does he? No? You know who does? The asshole fratboy/jock who treats her like shit, but she totally falls all over because she has daddy issue(maybe not, but you get the point).
We’d rather be dead than that guy, and our continued existence and thus society in general is predicated on us convincing ourselves that we are NOT that guy, even if we are. And you saying “you’re a really great guy…” tells a guy that he is the guy he fears becoming. And really, how productive or helpful is that?
You wanna make your friend feel better? Say “fuck that bitch. Any woman who doesn’t want to be with you is a stupid cunt and should burn in hell” It should take about three seconds to see the tears of joy well up in his eyes. He totally isn’t crying by the way. His contact is fucking with him. Both of them.
If that doesn’t work, get him laid. By you or someone else. Because the best way to get over someone, is by getting under someone else. At least in our world.
A. There are two things you should NEVER, EVER say to a guy.
1. Let’s just be friends(I’ve already covered this one)
2. You’re a great guy, you’ll find the right girl some day
The next time you think about saying that to a guy, do him a favor. Cut off his dick and then puree it in a food processor for sixty seconds. It’s way less painful, and nowhere near as emasculating.
Why do we feel that way? Well imagine your best girlfriend was trying to hook you up with this hot guy you like. In describing you to the guy, she says “she’s got a really great personality.” Which basically means you’re a fat cow, who only a blind man could love otherwise she’d be telling him how fucking hot and doable you are.
And when you found out about all this, you’d be pissed at her. You’d be like “why didn’t you tell him about my great rack! Or my nymphomania. Or the fact that I’ll have his babies(don’t tell us this one. Seriously. That’s dumb).” You’d go off on her for not selling your strong points, because a girl with “a good personality” is got about as much chance of getting laid as Jesse Jackson does being honored by the KKK.
Never, ever, ever say that to a man. Ever. Cut out your tongue if you have to. Kill yourself if it’s the only way to suppress the urge. It’s for the best, really.
Why do we feel this strongly? Because saying that to us, makes us feel like that guy from the PG 13 movie, the one that everyone is really pulling for, because they totally wanna see him get the girl. But does he? No? You know who does? The asshole fratboy/jock who treats her like shit, but she totally falls all over because she has daddy issue(maybe not, but you get the point).
We’d rather be dead than that guy, and our continued existence and thus society in general is predicated on us convincing ourselves that we are NOT that guy, even if we are. And you saying “you’re a really great guy…” tells a guy that he is the guy he fears becoming. And really, how productive or helpful is that?
You wanna make your friend feel better? Say “fuck that bitch. Any woman who doesn’t want to be with you is a stupid cunt and should burn in hell” It should take about three seconds to see the tears of joy well up in his eyes. He totally isn’t crying by the way. His contact is fucking with him. Both of them.
If that doesn’t work, get him laid. By you or someone else. Because the best way to get over someone, is by getting under someone else. At least in our world.
Friday, April 18, 2008
Where are the good ones at?
This blog is now located here: http://www.dicksinthecity.com/2008/04/18/where-are-the-good-ones-at-2/
Thursday, April 10, 2008
Funny or die?
Q: I read this article: http://www.psychologytoday.com/rss/index.php?term=20050808-000003&page=1
That basically said guys don’t like funny chicks. Why is that?
A: That’s an excellent question.
First, let me say I do agree with the study. I think its true that most guys want women to be the ones to laugh at the jokes, not tell them(all except me, of course).
We like women to get our jokes, but do we really want to spend the rest of our lives with someone who constantly busts our balls? Not in general, no. We just don’t. Why? For several reasons, I think.
First and foremost, if we want someone to bust our balls, we’ll hang out with the guys. That’s not something we’re really looking for in a relationship. Especially since if you’re in possession of some of our most intimate thoughts, feelings, secrets, you know where to hit us where it hurts, and in ways that our guy friends can’t. Women are also more comfortable joking about things that we aren’t, and we just don’t talk about those things in the way that you do. You might think turning to your man and saying “when are you going to learn to use that penis thing of yours?” is funny, but I can assure, that he will not find that humorous.
I also think a lot of the issue with women who are funny is male ego and insecurity. Can you really handle it, as a guy if your girl is the one with all the witty saying and snappy comebacks and you couldn’t come up with one if your life dependent on it? I know several guys who are in relationships like that, and I know they hate it.
I also believe that humor strongly indicates high intelligence. You have to be a big smarty pants in order to have snappy jokes and comebacks at the ready. You only have a split second to react, so someone who isn’t that bright just isn’t going to know what to do. If a girl is smart than a guy, it can go against the typical male ideal, that he’s the top dog and the woman is his equal, not his superior. Some guys can handle that(and even like it), many others can not. I’m guessing that you are a funny chick, and your man can’t handle that. It’s not your problem, it’s his.
Bottom line is this: funny and creative people have a tough road to hoe when it comes to dating. It’s just harder for us, period. Why? Because we see the world in a way you’re your average person does not, and if you are creative, you probably don’t fit into the “square peg, round role” that is every day regular life. You just don’t.
There’s really no way around that, and if you’re a funny girl, you’re probably already noticed that. There’s really not much I or anyone else can to do change it, but there are a few things to keep in mind to help ease the pain.
Go where the funny boys are. Guys who are standups, comedians, improvisers or just plain old SNL addicts will generally be very used to funny women and won’t be threaten by them. Also, know that birds of a feather flock together, so it’s more likely that if you find yourself a funny guy who’s into comedy, he’s more than likely going to want a partner who is as well.
Play to the room: when you find a guy you like, figure out what kind of humor your guy likes(family friendly vs. vulgar), and how thick his skin is. Then tailor your humor to his palette, at least initially, as time goes by and you have that comfort level, etc, you can start to put in other kinds of humor, and generally adjust his palette a bit.
Know that if he gets your humor, he gets you. The more your humor is central to who you are, the more important this is. If you’re a comedian, and he has no funny bone, or your brand of humor tickles most funny bones, but not his, it’s just not going to work long term. Period. Know this going in, so you can decide between your two options: either you bail now, or you enjoy the ride, knowing that it can never be long term. Nothing wrong with a little fun. Try it all out and see what you like.
That basically said guys don’t like funny chicks. Why is that?
A: That’s an excellent question.
First, let me say I do agree with the study. I think its true that most guys want women to be the ones to laugh at the jokes, not tell them(all except me, of course).
We like women to get our jokes, but do we really want to spend the rest of our lives with someone who constantly busts our balls? Not in general, no. We just don’t. Why? For several reasons, I think.
First and foremost, if we want someone to bust our balls, we’ll hang out with the guys. That’s not something we’re really looking for in a relationship. Especially since if you’re in possession of some of our most intimate thoughts, feelings, secrets, you know where to hit us where it hurts, and in ways that our guy friends can’t. Women are also more comfortable joking about things that we aren’t, and we just don’t talk about those things in the way that you do. You might think turning to your man and saying “when are you going to learn to use that penis thing of yours?” is funny, but I can assure, that he will not find that humorous.
I also think a lot of the issue with women who are funny is male ego and insecurity. Can you really handle it, as a guy if your girl is the one with all the witty saying and snappy comebacks and you couldn’t come up with one if your life dependent on it? I know several guys who are in relationships like that, and I know they hate it.
I also believe that humor strongly indicates high intelligence. You have to be a big smarty pants in order to have snappy jokes and comebacks at the ready. You only have a split second to react, so someone who isn’t that bright just isn’t going to know what to do. If a girl is smart than a guy, it can go against the typical male ideal, that he’s the top dog and the woman is his equal, not his superior. Some guys can handle that(and even like it), many others can not. I’m guessing that you are a funny chick, and your man can’t handle that. It’s not your problem, it’s his.
Bottom line is this: funny and creative people have a tough road to hoe when it comes to dating. It’s just harder for us, period. Why? Because we see the world in a way you’re your average person does not, and if you are creative, you probably don’t fit into the “square peg, round role” that is every day regular life. You just don’t.
There’s really no way around that, and if you’re a funny girl, you’re probably already noticed that. There’s really not much I or anyone else can to do change it, but there are a few things to keep in mind to help ease the pain.
Go where the funny boys are. Guys who are standups, comedians, improvisers or just plain old SNL addicts will generally be very used to funny women and won’t be threaten by them. Also, know that birds of a feather flock together, so it’s more likely that if you find yourself a funny guy who’s into comedy, he’s more than likely going to want a partner who is as well.
Play to the room: when you find a guy you like, figure out what kind of humor your guy likes(family friendly vs. vulgar), and how thick his skin is. Then tailor your humor to his palette, at least initially, as time goes by and you have that comfort level, etc, you can start to put in other kinds of humor, and generally adjust his palette a bit.
Know that if he gets your humor, he gets you. The more your humor is central to who you are, the more important this is. If you’re a comedian, and he has no funny bone, or your brand of humor tickles most funny bones, but not his, it’s just not going to work long term. Period. Know this going in, so you can decide between your two options: either you bail now, or you enjoy the ride, knowing that it can never be long term. Nothing wrong with a little fun. Try it all out and see what you like.
Tuesday, March 4, 2008
Wookin' pa nub
Question: I’m a great girl. I’m smart, I’m sexy, I’m sensual, etc. If I’m such a catch, why am I dating jerks, assholes, players and losers. How can I find a real man who will treat me right?
Answer: Give me your phone number. Kidding. Sort of. Not at all, actually. Seriously though after you give me the digits, I’ll answer. Wating, waiting…..okay fine! Be that way. Here goes:
The kind of guy you’re looking for may seem hard to find. He’s not. He’s EVERYWHERE. How do I find him, you ask?
1. Go to a comic book/sci fi convention. You’ll be one of like three(or less) women in the entire convention, and you’ll be surrounded by thousands of great guys to choose from, if you can put up with the fact that they live with their parents and/or collect toys.
2. Understand that these guys might be a work in progress. They won’t be used to dating in many cases, or long term dating, you know? Some of these guys are programmers and comic book nerds for a reason, you know? Be patient. It’ll be worth it.
3. These guys are NOT going to talk to you. YOU have to make the first move. If you’re the kind of girl that’s super hot, you get a lot of male attention, most of which is the kind you don’t want, but the nice guy you want doesn’t know that. He’ll see all those other guys and say “Why bother? I don’t have a chance?” or he’ll just see you and then forget his name. Not good. You will have to go to him, and maybe even do most of the flirting, and be prepared to say “so are you going to take me out to dinner or what?” or ask them out on a date, and make sure they know you don’t want them to fix your computer.
4. Give me your number. Seriously. Why are you being such a tease? Nobody likes a tease, not even a nice guy, those douchebags losers. Wait. Did I say that out loud?
Answer: Give me your phone number. Kidding. Sort of. Not at all, actually. Seriously though after you give me the digits, I’ll answer. Wating, waiting…..okay fine! Be that way. Here goes:
The kind of guy you’re looking for may seem hard to find. He’s not. He’s EVERYWHERE. How do I find him, you ask?
1. Go to a comic book/sci fi convention. You’ll be one of like three(or less) women in the entire convention, and you’ll be surrounded by thousands of great guys to choose from, if you can put up with the fact that they live with their parents and/or collect toys.
2. Understand that these guys might be a work in progress. They won’t be used to dating in many cases, or long term dating, you know? Some of these guys are programmers and comic book nerds for a reason, you know? Be patient. It’ll be worth it.
3. These guys are NOT going to talk to you. YOU have to make the first move. If you’re the kind of girl that’s super hot, you get a lot of male attention, most of which is the kind you don’t want, but the nice guy you want doesn’t know that. He’ll see all those other guys and say “Why bother? I don’t have a chance?” or he’ll just see you and then forget his name. Not good. You will have to go to him, and maybe even do most of the flirting, and be prepared to say “so are you going to take me out to dinner or what?” or ask them out on a date, and make sure they know you don’t want them to fix your computer.
4. Give me your number. Seriously. Why are you being such a tease? Nobody likes a tease, not even a nice guy, those douchebags losers. Wait. Did I say that out loud?
Monday, February 25, 2008
X Marks the spot, whether I want it to or not.
Question: Why is it that my ex boyfriends know how to magically appear in my life after I am over them?
Answer: Don’t blame this on us. This thing happens to the guys, too. Only for us, it’s a bit different. We never run into our exes unless we’re single and they’re in a relationship looking hotter and happier than ever than she ever was with us, and with their replacement dick(I mean boyfriend) on their arm. And then they have the nerve to want to “catch up” and by “catch up,” I mean “stab us in the genitalia with a butter knife and then turn it counter clock wise while (poorly) singing their favorite chick song (you know, the one you love and your man hates, but you make it listen to him because if he doesn’t, he isn’t getting laid).”
I don’t know if I believe in God or an all powerful, all knowing universe, as described in “The Secret,” but if there is, it has a sick sense of humor, the kind of dark, bitter jaded yet humorous take on life that makes Sam Kinnison, Lenny Bruce and Bill Hicks look lighthearted. The fact is, this just happens. It happens to all of us. So while some of your ex’s may be reappearing to hurt your feelings, (or more accurately see if they can still hit it), there’s probably nothing malicious behind it. Maybe, they’re doing the “LJBF” thing back at you, as a way of paying women back for all the times that they used that bullshit line on us(see my previous blogs for a detailed description of that), or maybe this is one of those rare breakups, where there were no villains, no ill will, no “drama” that caused it to end.
Maybe he just wasn’t feeling it, you know? Women bad mouth men constantly, saying that all we care about is pussy. That’s not true. We also care about beer. And football. And the abolishment of the designated hitter rule.
Ways to avoid the ex you don’t want to run into:
1. Look good always. Somehow, exes have a secret sixth sense that tells them when you decided to wear ratty sweatpants and flip flops while you dragged your bed head ridden ass to vons for some pepo bismal after an all night bender. Be dressed to kill at all times, and you’ll never see them again
2. Expect it to happen. If you’re prepared to meet your ex out and about, it won’t happen, period. Keep them in your mind at all times, The way to do this is by painfully reliving each and every moment of your relationship, with special emphaisis on all the good times you had together(that are now gone forever), and the way that they fucked you over in the break up.
3. Stay away from your “happy couple hangout spots.” You should have negotiated ownership of each individual spot during the breakup, and if you didn’t, ownership rights revert back to the person whose hang out it was first. But just because that’s the rule, doesn’t mean the person will actually follow it. They may actually have the nerve to bring their new lovers to YOUR favorite places as a way of showing off to their new lover, and by showing off to their new lover, I mean fucking with you. So go away.
4. Call him constantly. Tell him/her that you need them, can’t live without them, and my favorite are carrying their child. It’s a bit extreme, but this way the only way you’ll run into contact with your ex is in court, when they’re filing for a restraining order.
5. Threaten to post a sex tape online. These days cameras are so small, that you could easily have covered your bedroom in hidden cameras and then done the deed with your now former lover on film. It’s equally as easy to find some sleazy pervert(I.E. an editor) to assemble the footage for you and out put it to a quicktime or windows media file that is easily spread across the internet. The great part is, you won’t even have to do the work. You post it once, other people do the rest. (I’m not saying I know from a friends experience, I’m saying it because I’ve done it myself. Fuck you, Samantha!) Posting it can be a quick an easy form of revenge, but just threatening it will send your ex running into the hills.
6. Commit a felony. Prison visiting hours are restrictive, and your ex is really not going to put the effort into visiting no matter how much they want to rub their new relationship in your face.
7. Get the fuck over it. Truly move on and you’ll be guaranteed to never see them again.
Bottom line is this: you can never control this kind of thing. Whether or not you see the ex is up to fate. What you can control is how you handle it. The old adage is true: never let them see you sweat. No matter how it makes you feel to see them you must act as if you don’t care. Mispronounce their name or call them a different one, for example. Then go home and lose it if you have to. But don’t give them the satisfaction of seeing you affected. If you do, the terrorists win.
Answer: Don’t blame this on us. This thing happens to the guys, too. Only for us, it’s a bit different. We never run into our exes unless we’re single and they’re in a relationship looking hotter and happier than ever than she ever was with us, and with their replacement dick(I mean boyfriend) on their arm. And then they have the nerve to want to “catch up” and by “catch up,” I mean “stab us in the genitalia with a butter knife and then turn it counter clock wise while (poorly) singing their favorite chick song (you know, the one you love and your man hates, but you make it listen to him because if he doesn’t, he isn’t getting laid).”
I don’t know if I believe in God or an all powerful, all knowing universe, as described in “The Secret,” but if there is, it has a sick sense of humor, the kind of dark, bitter jaded yet humorous take on life that makes Sam Kinnison, Lenny Bruce and Bill Hicks look lighthearted. The fact is, this just happens. It happens to all of us. So while some of your ex’s may be reappearing to hurt your feelings, (or more accurately see if they can still hit it), there’s probably nothing malicious behind it. Maybe, they’re doing the “LJBF” thing back at you, as a way of paying women back for all the times that they used that bullshit line on us(see my previous blogs for a detailed description of that), or maybe this is one of those rare breakups, where there were no villains, no ill will, no “drama” that caused it to end.
Maybe he just wasn’t feeling it, you know? Women bad mouth men constantly, saying that all we care about is pussy. That’s not true. We also care about beer. And football. And the abolishment of the designated hitter rule.
Ways to avoid the ex you don’t want to run into:
1. Look good always. Somehow, exes have a secret sixth sense that tells them when you decided to wear ratty sweatpants and flip flops while you dragged your bed head ridden ass to vons for some pepo bismal after an all night bender. Be dressed to kill at all times, and you’ll never see them again
2. Expect it to happen. If you’re prepared to meet your ex out and about, it won’t happen, period. Keep them in your mind at all times, The way to do this is by painfully reliving each and every moment of your relationship, with special emphaisis on all the good times you had together(that are now gone forever), and the way that they fucked you over in the break up.
3. Stay away from your “happy couple hangout spots.” You should have negotiated ownership of each individual spot during the breakup, and if you didn’t, ownership rights revert back to the person whose hang out it was first. But just because that’s the rule, doesn’t mean the person will actually follow it. They may actually have the nerve to bring their new lovers to YOUR favorite places as a way of showing off to their new lover, and by showing off to their new lover, I mean fucking with you. So go away.
4. Call him constantly. Tell him/her that you need them, can’t live without them, and my favorite are carrying their child. It’s a bit extreme, but this way the only way you’ll run into contact with your ex is in court, when they’re filing for a restraining order.
5. Threaten to post a sex tape online. These days cameras are so small, that you could easily have covered your bedroom in hidden cameras and then done the deed with your now former lover on film. It’s equally as easy to find some sleazy pervert(I.E. an editor) to assemble the footage for you and out put it to a quicktime or windows media file that is easily spread across the internet. The great part is, you won’t even have to do the work. You post it once, other people do the rest. (I’m not saying I know from a friends experience, I’m saying it because I’ve done it myself. Fuck you, Samantha!) Posting it can be a quick an easy form of revenge, but just threatening it will send your ex running into the hills.
6. Commit a felony. Prison visiting hours are restrictive, and your ex is really not going to put the effort into visiting no matter how much they want to rub their new relationship in your face.
7. Get the fuck over it. Truly move on and you’ll be guaranteed to never see them again.
Bottom line is this: you can never control this kind of thing. Whether or not you see the ex is up to fate. What you can control is how you handle it. The old adage is true: never let them see you sweat. No matter how it makes you feel to see them you must act as if you don’t care. Mispronounce their name or call them a different one, for example. Then go home and lose it if you have to. But don’t give them the satisfaction of seeing you affected. If you do, the terrorists win.
Tuesday, February 19, 2008
I got yer law of attraction...right here!
Q. My guy friend(not in that way), is frustrated about his lack of dating prospects. I’ve tried introducing him to the “law of attraction.” I told him if he just asks the universe for it, the right girl will come to him, without any chasing on his part. He thinks it’s bull shit. Why is that?
A. Cause it is. Kidding. It’s not for me to tell you how to think and feel about things(that’s what government and religion are for), but what I can do is tell you why I think your friend feels that statement is bullshit.
For those who don’t know, “the law of attraction” is defined by wikipedia as:
“The phrase Law of Attraction has been used by many esoteric writers, although the actual definition varies greatly. Most authors associate the Law of Attraction with the saying, "like attracts like", usually as applied to the mental life of human beings: that a person's thoughts (conscious and unconscious), emotions, beliefs and actions attract corresponding positive or negative experiences. This process has been described as "harmonious vibrations of the law of attraction",[1] or "you get what you think about; your thoughts determine your experience."
Now, that I’ve explained that, here’s why I think he feels that way: to him the “law of attraction’s” idea that whatever you want will be magically attracted to you doesn’t apply to the laws of dating. Why? Because he’s probably never been asked out by a girl, probably doesn’t even know of anyone who has been. It’s rarely. It really doesn’t happen much. The basic law of nature when it comes to sex is that men chase, women choose.
So, you’re probably saying “but it works for me!” That may be true, but remember, you are a girl. It’s a man’s world, except when it comes to sex. This is an area where women have absolute control. You can get whatever you want, whenever you want it, because that’s the way it is. The world is your sexual oyster. You have thousands of opportunities to get anything you want from a 3 way to a vayjay, to you name it. You just walk into a bar, and wait. Or you can open an online dating profile and watch the submissions flood in.
That kind of options gives you the power. The power in this case, to wait until what you want comes along, or to have your definition of fun while you wait for it. This does not happen to guys. It’s the old adage, “sex for women is a choice, for men it’s a chore.” We have to work to get what we want, It doesn’t just come to us. If a guy goes to a bar and sits and sips his drink, waiting to be picked up, he’s guaranteed to be going home alone. Period.
Does that mean your approach can’t work for him? No, it doesn’t. But the “law of attraction” is a radically different approach that he is used to. Not everyone can A) admit that they are wrong and B) embrace concepts that are the antithesis of the foundation that is their core belief system.
Simply put, It’s going to be hard for him to wrap his head around it, even if he wants to, and frankly, he may not ever full embrace the concept, even if his current approach isn’t working. It’s also important to note that what works for the goose isn’t always good for the gander, so it simply may not be something he’s into, at least for now. I applaud you for trying to help him. Maybe, if you feel like this is something that will work for him, lay off the subject for a while, then gently reintroduce it over time. Or just shut the fuck up and mind your own God Damn business. Kidding. You know I love you! Have you lost weight? Cause it totally looks like you have.
A. Cause it is. Kidding. It’s not for me to tell you how to think and feel about things(that’s what government and religion are for), but what I can do is tell you why I think your friend feels that statement is bullshit.
For those who don’t know, “the law of attraction” is defined by wikipedia as:
“The phrase Law of Attraction has been used by many esoteric writers, although the actual definition varies greatly. Most authors associate the Law of Attraction with the saying, "like attracts like", usually as applied to the mental life of human beings: that a person's thoughts (conscious and unconscious), emotions, beliefs and actions attract corresponding positive or negative experiences. This process has been described as "harmonious vibrations of the law of attraction",[1] or "you get what you think about; your thoughts determine your experience."
Now, that I’ve explained that, here’s why I think he feels that way: to him the “law of attraction’s” idea that whatever you want will be magically attracted to you doesn’t apply to the laws of dating. Why? Because he’s probably never been asked out by a girl, probably doesn’t even know of anyone who has been. It’s rarely. It really doesn’t happen much. The basic law of nature when it comes to sex is that men chase, women choose.
So, you’re probably saying “but it works for me!” That may be true, but remember, you are a girl. It’s a man’s world, except when it comes to sex. This is an area where women have absolute control. You can get whatever you want, whenever you want it, because that’s the way it is. The world is your sexual oyster. You have thousands of opportunities to get anything you want from a 3 way to a vayjay, to you name it. You just walk into a bar, and wait. Or you can open an online dating profile and watch the submissions flood in.
That kind of options gives you the power. The power in this case, to wait until what you want comes along, or to have your definition of fun while you wait for it. This does not happen to guys. It’s the old adage, “sex for women is a choice, for men it’s a chore.” We have to work to get what we want, It doesn’t just come to us. If a guy goes to a bar and sits and sips his drink, waiting to be picked up, he’s guaranteed to be going home alone. Period.
Does that mean your approach can’t work for him? No, it doesn’t. But the “law of attraction” is a radically different approach that he is used to. Not everyone can A) admit that they are wrong and B) embrace concepts that are the antithesis of the foundation that is their core belief system.
Simply put, It’s going to be hard for him to wrap his head around it, even if he wants to, and frankly, he may not ever full embrace the concept, even if his current approach isn’t working. It’s also important to note that what works for the goose isn’t always good for the gander, so it simply may not be something he’s into, at least for now. I applaud you for trying to help him. Maybe, if you feel like this is something that will work for him, lay off the subject for a while, then gently reintroduce it over time. Or just shut the fuck up and mind your own God Damn business. Kidding. You know I love you! Have you lost weight? Cause it totally looks like you have.
Monday, February 11, 2008
Round hole and the square peg....
Question: My boyfriend wants me to peg him(put on a strap on and have anal sex with him). Is this weird? Does this make him gay?
Answer: It might be weird to you, but it definitely, in my opinion, does not mean he’s gay. To me, ANY sex act that occurs between two people of different genders is heterosexual, even pegging. Seem weird? Ask yourself this: If my guy wanted to do me in the butt, would that make him gay? No, no it wouldn’t. So you having anal sex with him, while maybe not a common request, isn’t any less of a heterosexual sex act than if the roles were reversed(no pun intended)
So, the real question in your mind probably is not whether or not it’s gay, but rather “it makes me unconformable, what do I do?” Well, you have two choices. You can either do it, or not. It’s that simple. You shouldn’t feel any kind of pressure to do it, nor should he feel bad about wanting you to. Sex acts are kind of like vegetables. Some are loved by lots of people, such as carrots, celery or edamame, or very few people, such as Brussels sprouts. If you’re into Brussels sprouts and you can’t live without it in your life, you need to find someone who’s willing to give you Brussels sprouts on a regular basis. People who are into celery aren’t going to. So now that I’ve ruined the produce section for you, you and your partner have some discussing to do. Dig?
Answer: It might be weird to you, but it definitely, in my opinion, does not mean he’s gay. To me, ANY sex act that occurs between two people of different genders is heterosexual, even pegging. Seem weird? Ask yourself this: If my guy wanted to do me in the butt, would that make him gay? No, no it wouldn’t. So you having anal sex with him, while maybe not a common request, isn’t any less of a heterosexual sex act than if the roles were reversed(no pun intended)
So, the real question in your mind probably is not whether or not it’s gay, but rather “it makes me unconformable, what do I do?” Well, you have two choices. You can either do it, or not. It’s that simple. You shouldn’t feel any kind of pressure to do it, nor should he feel bad about wanting you to. Sex acts are kind of like vegetables. Some are loved by lots of people, such as carrots, celery or edamame, or very few people, such as Brussels sprouts. If you’re into Brussels sprouts and you can’t live without it in your life, you need to find someone who’s willing to give you Brussels sprouts on a regular basis. People who are into celery aren’t going to. So now that I’ve ruined the produce section for you, you and your partner have some discussing to do. Dig?
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