Funny or die?

Q: I read this article: http://www.psychologytoday.com/rss/index.php?term=20050808-000003&page=1

That basically said guys don’t like funny chicks. Why is that?

A: That’s an excellent question.

First, let me say I do agree with the study. I think its true that most guys want women to be the ones to laugh at the jokes, not tell them(all except me, of course).

We like women to get our jokes, but do we really want to spend the rest of our lives with someone who constantly busts our balls? Not in general, no. We just don’t. Why? For several reasons, I think.

First and foremost, if we want someone to bust our balls, we’ll hang out with the guys. That’s not something we’re really looking for in a relationship. Especially since if you’re in possession of some of our most intimate thoughts, feelings, secrets, you know where to hit us where it hurts, and in ways that our guy friends can’t. Women are also more comfortable joking about things that we aren’t, and we just don’t talk about those things in the way that you do. You might think turning to your man and saying “when are you going to learn to use that penis thing of yours?” is funny, but I can assure, that he will not find that humorous.

I also think a lot of the issue with women who are funny is male ego and insecurity. Can you really handle it, as a guy if your girl is the one with all the witty saying and snappy comebacks and you couldn’t come up with one if your life dependent on it? I know several guys who are in relationships like that, and I know they hate it.

I also believe that humor strongly indicates high intelligence. You have to be a big smarty pants in order to have snappy jokes and comebacks at the ready. You only have a split second to react, so someone who isn’t that bright just isn’t going to know what to do. If a girl is smart than a guy, it can go against the typical male ideal, that he’s the top dog and the woman is his equal, not his superior. Some guys can handle that(and even like it), many others can not. I’m guessing that you are a funny chick, and your man can’t handle that. It’s not your problem, it’s his.

Bottom line is this: funny and creative people have a tough road to hoe when it comes to dating. It’s just harder for us, period. Why? Because we see the world in a way you’re your average person does not, and if you are creative, you probably don’t fit into the “square peg, round role” that is every day regular life. You just don’t.

There’s really no way around that, and if you’re a funny girl, you’re probably already noticed that. There’s really not much I or anyone else can to do change it, but there are a few things to keep in mind to help ease the pain.

Go where the funny boys are. Guys who are standups, comedians, improvisers or just plain old SNL addicts will generally be very used to funny women and won’t be threaten by them. Also, know that birds of a feather flock together, so it’s more likely that if you find yourself a funny guy who’s into comedy, he’s more than likely going to want a partner who is as well.

Play to the room: when you find a guy you like, figure out what kind of humor your guy likes(family friendly vs. vulgar), and how thick his skin is. Then tailor your humor to his palette, at least initially, as time goes by and you have that comfort level, etc, you can start to put in other kinds of humor, and generally adjust his palette a bit.

Know that if he gets your humor, he gets you. The more your humor is central to who you are, the more important this is. If you’re a comedian, and he has no funny bone, or your brand of humor tickles most funny bones, but not his, it’s just not going to work long term. Period. Know this going in, so you can decide between your two options: either you bail now, or you enjoy the ride, knowing that it can never be long term. Nothing wrong with a little fun. Try it all out and see what you like.