Question: Why is it that my ex boyfriends know how to magically appear in my life after I am over them?
Answer: Don’t blame this on us. This thing happens to the guys, too. Only for us, it’s a bit different. We never run into our exes unless we’re single and they’re in a relationship looking hotter and happier than ever than she ever was with us, and with their replacement dick(I mean boyfriend) on their arm. And then they have the nerve to want to “catch up” and by “catch up,” I mean “stab us in the genitalia with a butter knife and then turn it counter clock wise while (poorly) singing their favorite chick song (you know, the one you love and your man hates, but you make it listen to him because if he doesn’t, he isn’t getting laid).”
I don’t know if I believe in God or an all powerful, all knowing universe, as described in “The Secret,” but if there is, it has a sick sense of humor, the kind of dark, bitter jaded yet humorous take on life that makes Sam Kinnison, Lenny Bruce and Bill Hicks look lighthearted. The fact is, this just happens. It happens to all of us. So while some of your ex’s may be reappearing to hurt your feelings, (or more accurately see if they can still hit it), there’s probably nothing malicious behind it. Maybe, they’re doing the “LJBF” thing back at you, as a way of paying women back for all the times that they used that bullshit line on us(see my previous blogs for a detailed description of that), or maybe this is one of those rare breakups, where there were no villains, no ill will, no “drama” that caused it to end.
Maybe he just wasn’t feeling it, you know? Women bad mouth men constantly, saying that all we care about is pussy. That’s not true. We also care about beer. And football. And the abolishment of the designated hitter rule.
Ways to avoid the ex you don’t want to run into:
1. Look good always. Somehow, exes have a secret sixth sense that tells them when you decided to wear ratty sweatpants and flip flops while you dragged your bed head ridden ass to vons for some pepo bismal after an all night bender. Be dressed to kill at all times, and you’ll never see them again
2. Expect it to happen. If you’re prepared to meet your ex out and about, it won’t happen, period. Keep them in your mind at all times, The way to do this is by painfully reliving each and every moment of your relationship, with special emphaisis on all the good times you had together(that are now gone forever), and the way that they fucked you over in the break up.
3. Stay away from your “happy couple hangout spots.” You should have negotiated ownership of each individual spot during the breakup, and if you didn’t, ownership rights revert back to the person whose hang out it was first. But just because that’s the rule, doesn’t mean the person will actually follow it. They may actually have the nerve to bring their new lovers to YOUR favorite places as a way of showing off to their new lover, and by showing off to their new lover, I mean fucking with you. So go away.
4. Call him constantly. Tell him/her that you need them, can’t live without them, and my favorite are carrying their child. It’s a bit extreme, but this way the only way you’ll run into contact with your ex is in court, when they’re filing for a restraining order.
5. Threaten to post a sex tape online. These days cameras are so small, that you could easily have covered your bedroom in hidden cameras and then done the deed with your now former lover on film. It’s equally as easy to find some sleazy pervert(I.E. an editor) to assemble the footage for you and out put it to a quicktime or windows media file that is easily spread across the internet. The great part is, you won’t even have to do the work. You post it once, other people do the rest. (I’m not saying I know from a friends experience, I’m saying it because I’ve done it myself. Fuck you, Samantha!) Posting it can be a quick an easy form of revenge, but just threatening it will send your ex running into the hills.
6. Commit a felony. Prison visiting hours are restrictive, and your ex is really not going to put the effort into visiting no matter how much they want to rub their new relationship in your face.
7. Get the fuck over it. Truly move on and you’ll be guaranteed to never see them again.
Bottom line is this: you can never control this kind of thing. Whether or not you see the ex is up to fate. What you can control is how you handle it. The old adage is true: never let them see you sweat. No matter how it makes you feel to see them you must act as if you don’t care. Mispronounce their name or call them a different one, for example. Then go home and lose it if you have to. But don’t give them the satisfaction of seeing you affected. If you do, the terrorists win.
Monday, February 25, 2008
Tuesday, February 19, 2008
I got yer law of attraction...right here!
Q. My guy friend(not in that way), is frustrated about his lack of dating prospects. I’ve tried introducing him to the “law of attraction.” I told him if he just asks the universe for it, the right girl will come to him, without any chasing on his part. He thinks it’s bull shit. Why is that?
A. Cause it is. Kidding. It’s not for me to tell you how to think and feel about things(that’s what government and religion are for), but what I can do is tell you why I think your friend feels that statement is bullshit.
For those who don’t know, “the law of attraction” is defined by wikipedia as:
“The phrase Law of Attraction has been used by many esoteric writers, although the actual definition varies greatly. Most authors associate the Law of Attraction with the saying, "like attracts like", usually as applied to the mental life of human beings: that a person's thoughts (conscious and unconscious), emotions, beliefs and actions attract corresponding positive or negative experiences. This process has been described as "harmonious vibrations of the law of attraction",[1] or "you get what you think about; your thoughts determine your experience."
Now, that I’ve explained that, here’s why I think he feels that way: to him the “law of attraction’s” idea that whatever you want will be magically attracted to you doesn’t apply to the laws of dating. Why? Because he’s probably never been asked out by a girl, probably doesn’t even know of anyone who has been. It’s rarely. It really doesn’t happen much. The basic law of nature when it comes to sex is that men chase, women choose.
So, you’re probably saying “but it works for me!” That may be true, but remember, you are a girl. It’s a man’s world, except when it comes to sex. This is an area where women have absolute control. You can get whatever you want, whenever you want it, because that’s the way it is. The world is your sexual oyster. You have thousands of opportunities to get anything you want from a 3 way to a vayjay, to you name it. You just walk into a bar, and wait. Or you can open an online dating profile and watch the submissions flood in.
That kind of options gives you the power. The power in this case, to wait until what you want comes along, or to have your definition of fun while you wait for it. This does not happen to guys. It’s the old adage, “sex for women is a choice, for men it’s a chore.” We have to work to get what we want, It doesn’t just come to us. If a guy goes to a bar and sits and sips his drink, waiting to be picked up, he’s guaranteed to be going home alone. Period.
Does that mean your approach can’t work for him? No, it doesn’t. But the “law of attraction” is a radically different approach that he is used to. Not everyone can A) admit that they are wrong and B) embrace concepts that are the antithesis of the foundation that is their core belief system.
Simply put, It’s going to be hard for him to wrap his head around it, even if he wants to, and frankly, he may not ever full embrace the concept, even if his current approach isn’t working. It’s also important to note that what works for the goose isn’t always good for the gander, so it simply may not be something he’s into, at least for now. I applaud you for trying to help him. Maybe, if you feel like this is something that will work for him, lay off the subject for a while, then gently reintroduce it over time. Or just shut the fuck up and mind your own God Damn business. Kidding. You know I love you! Have you lost weight? Cause it totally looks like you have.
A. Cause it is. Kidding. It’s not for me to tell you how to think and feel about things(that’s what government and religion are for), but what I can do is tell you why I think your friend feels that statement is bullshit.
For those who don’t know, “the law of attraction” is defined by wikipedia as:
“The phrase Law of Attraction has been used by many esoteric writers, although the actual definition varies greatly. Most authors associate the Law of Attraction with the saying, "like attracts like", usually as applied to the mental life of human beings: that a person's thoughts (conscious and unconscious), emotions, beliefs and actions attract corresponding positive or negative experiences. This process has been described as "harmonious vibrations of the law of attraction",[1] or "you get what you think about; your thoughts determine your experience."
Now, that I’ve explained that, here’s why I think he feels that way: to him the “law of attraction’s” idea that whatever you want will be magically attracted to you doesn’t apply to the laws of dating. Why? Because he’s probably never been asked out by a girl, probably doesn’t even know of anyone who has been. It’s rarely. It really doesn’t happen much. The basic law of nature when it comes to sex is that men chase, women choose.
So, you’re probably saying “but it works for me!” That may be true, but remember, you are a girl. It’s a man’s world, except when it comes to sex. This is an area where women have absolute control. You can get whatever you want, whenever you want it, because that’s the way it is. The world is your sexual oyster. You have thousands of opportunities to get anything you want from a 3 way to a vayjay, to you name it. You just walk into a bar, and wait. Or you can open an online dating profile and watch the submissions flood in.
That kind of options gives you the power. The power in this case, to wait until what you want comes along, or to have your definition of fun while you wait for it. This does not happen to guys. It’s the old adage, “sex for women is a choice, for men it’s a chore.” We have to work to get what we want, It doesn’t just come to us. If a guy goes to a bar and sits and sips his drink, waiting to be picked up, he’s guaranteed to be going home alone. Period.
Does that mean your approach can’t work for him? No, it doesn’t. But the “law of attraction” is a radically different approach that he is used to. Not everyone can A) admit that they are wrong and B) embrace concepts that are the antithesis of the foundation that is their core belief system.
Simply put, It’s going to be hard for him to wrap his head around it, even if he wants to, and frankly, he may not ever full embrace the concept, even if his current approach isn’t working. It’s also important to note that what works for the goose isn’t always good for the gander, so it simply may not be something he’s into, at least for now. I applaud you for trying to help him. Maybe, if you feel like this is something that will work for him, lay off the subject for a while, then gently reintroduce it over time. Or just shut the fuck up and mind your own God Damn business. Kidding. You know I love you! Have you lost weight? Cause it totally looks like you have.
Monday, February 11, 2008
Round hole and the square peg....
Question: My boyfriend wants me to peg him(put on a strap on and have anal sex with him). Is this weird? Does this make him gay?
Answer: It might be weird to you, but it definitely, in my opinion, does not mean he’s gay. To me, ANY sex act that occurs between two people of different genders is heterosexual, even pegging. Seem weird? Ask yourself this: If my guy wanted to do me in the butt, would that make him gay? No, no it wouldn’t. So you having anal sex with him, while maybe not a common request, isn’t any less of a heterosexual sex act than if the roles were reversed(no pun intended)
So, the real question in your mind probably is not whether or not it’s gay, but rather “it makes me unconformable, what do I do?” Well, you have two choices. You can either do it, or not. It’s that simple. You shouldn’t feel any kind of pressure to do it, nor should he feel bad about wanting you to. Sex acts are kind of like vegetables. Some are loved by lots of people, such as carrots, celery or edamame, or very few people, such as Brussels sprouts. If you’re into Brussels sprouts and you can’t live without it in your life, you need to find someone who’s willing to give you Brussels sprouts on a regular basis. People who are into celery aren’t going to. So now that I’ve ruined the produce section for you, you and your partner have some discussing to do. Dig?
Answer: It might be weird to you, but it definitely, in my opinion, does not mean he’s gay. To me, ANY sex act that occurs between two people of different genders is heterosexual, even pegging. Seem weird? Ask yourself this: If my guy wanted to do me in the butt, would that make him gay? No, no it wouldn’t. So you having anal sex with him, while maybe not a common request, isn’t any less of a heterosexual sex act than if the roles were reversed(no pun intended)
So, the real question in your mind probably is not whether or not it’s gay, but rather “it makes me unconformable, what do I do?” Well, you have two choices. You can either do it, or not. It’s that simple. You shouldn’t feel any kind of pressure to do it, nor should he feel bad about wanting you to. Sex acts are kind of like vegetables. Some are loved by lots of people, such as carrots, celery or edamame, or very few people, such as Brussels sprouts. If you’re into Brussels sprouts and you can’t live without it in your life, you need to find someone who’s willing to give you Brussels sprouts on a regular basis. People who are into celery aren’t going to. So now that I’ve ruined the produce section for you, you and your partner have some discussing to do. Dig?
Monday, September 24, 2007
Communication gap
Dear Tazz,
Why don’t men communicate? I can’t seem to get my boyfriend to open up about anything. Don’t men talk about their feelings?
Signed,
Frustrated.
Dear Frustrated,
I understand your frustration, and I’m here to help. Is it un reasonable to expect your man to bear his soul to you? No. Do men have feelings, dreams, hopes, desires, etc? Yes. Do they talk about them? Yes. See? That’s the good news. We just don’t do it as often or as well as you do. That’s the bad news.
But why is that? Well, it’s not that simple, but here are a few reasons.
REASON 1) We are designed that way.
In the book “Sex on the Brain” the author , Dr. Amen, M.D. discusses this issue at length and the answer comes down to the way our brains are built. Two thirds of a man’s brain is devoted to the “left” brain. It is the side of the brain that deals with things like logic, reason, hunting, gathering, etc. The other third is the “right” brain, the side that deals with emotions, communicating, etc. While we do talk, cry, convey our feelings, etc, we are ruled by our left brain which deals with logic, cold hard facts and the hunting/gathering/providing we have been tasked with since the beginning of time.
The female brain is the exact opposite. The emotional, nurturing, communicative “right” side of the brain occupies two thirds of her cranial real estate, while the logical, “left” side of the brain occupies the other third. This means that women are designed to talk, emote and communicate in a way that men are simply not, thus proving that God has a sick sense of humor
Reason 2) We’re not in game shape.
Think about it this way. If you start working out today, are you going to be in swimsuit shape tomorrow? No. You’re not (PS. I don’t think you look fat. You totally look hot in that outfit.) It takes work to build the body you want.
The same is true here. Women aren’t born knowing how to use their innate communication abilities. They have to work at it, same as guys, but unlike guys, ladies have been flexing and training this muscle for YEARS, and by the time the an adult woman finds a guy and settles down with her, she’s ready for the world series of communicating that is a relationship.
Men, however, don’t really start communicating until they get into relationships. Why? There’s no need to, really. We don’t have to communicate with each other in the way you do. Let’s say a guy went out on a date with a woman. A conversation might go like this:
Man 1: How was the date?
Man 2: Fine
Man 1: Did you get some?
Man 2: Yup.
They high five.
Man 1: Let’s go shoot some hoops/watch the game/drink beer/whatever.
End of conversation.
See? We talk about things, we just don’t dissect them, like you do. So when you want to start talking about our feelings, don’t get frustrated if you don’t get a great, long winded oration in response. We’re simply trying to flex a muscle that has been ignored or underused, and expecting your man to perform on the same level as you is like expecting Steve Erkel challenge a bodybuilder to an arm wrestling contest and win . It will take time for us to get to your level on this issue. Be patient. And encouraging.
Reason 3) We don’t want you telling anyone else.
If Sex and the City taught me anything, it’s that women tell their girlfriends EVERYTHING. A woman’s girlfriends know everything about her and if she has a man in her life, they know everything about him too, good and bad. This means EVERYTHING. This is really terrifying to the most secure of guys, even though most women mean no harm when they dish with the girls.
Why? Most men have what I call “the Godfather mentality” meaning we’re all about one thing and one thing only. RESPECT. That means many things, not the least of which is:
YOU DON’T RAT OUT YOUR FRIENDS. PERIOD. NO EXECPTIONS.
When we tell someone one of our deepest darkest secrets, we do so with the understanding that the person listening to said information will take it to the grave. The idea that you would tell your girlfriends that which was said in confidence to you is, in our minds a huge betrayal, and that’s something we just can’t stand. In our minds, if you loved us, you wouldn’t do that. Don’t try explaining, for in the mind of a man, everything is clear cut right or wrong, and to us, this is always wrong. We’re not willing to change our position on the issue any more than you are willing to withhold the goods from your girls. Just be aware how we feel and know you can win major points with a man when you say “I won’t tell the girls that” or “this will stay just between us, no matter what” and you may get him comfortable enough to open up even more. We know you and the girls are a package deal. Just know if we knew how much you told the girls, we’d probably bolt.
Why don’t we? This is one of the practical applications of the word denial. We simply don’t know or refuse to believe the truth. If we did, abstinence rates would go through the roof(either than or homosexuality among men would, lol).
I hope these insight helps you, Miss Frustrated. Your man is capable of it. Just be patient. The average man speaks 7,000 words a day. The average woman speaks 20,000 a day! So it’s going to take a while. You’re going to have to be okay with the role of sensei on this one. It won’t happen overnight. And be sure to offer praise and encouragement. After all, if he’s willing to try and re-wire his brain to make you happy, he’s gotta be a keeper, right?
Why don’t men communicate? I can’t seem to get my boyfriend to open up about anything. Don’t men talk about their feelings?
Signed,
Frustrated.
Dear Frustrated,
I understand your frustration, and I’m here to help. Is it un reasonable to expect your man to bear his soul to you? No. Do men have feelings, dreams, hopes, desires, etc? Yes. Do they talk about them? Yes. See? That’s the good news. We just don’t do it as often or as well as you do. That’s the bad news.
But why is that? Well, it’s not that simple, but here are a few reasons.
REASON 1) We are designed that way.
In the book “Sex on the Brain” the author , Dr. Amen, M.D. discusses this issue at length and the answer comes down to the way our brains are built. Two thirds of a man’s brain is devoted to the “left” brain. It is the side of the brain that deals with things like logic, reason, hunting, gathering, etc. The other third is the “right” brain, the side that deals with emotions, communicating, etc. While we do talk, cry, convey our feelings, etc, we are ruled by our left brain which deals with logic, cold hard facts and the hunting/gathering/providing we have been tasked with since the beginning of time.
The female brain is the exact opposite. The emotional, nurturing, communicative “right” side of the brain occupies two thirds of her cranial real estate, while the logical, “left” side of the brain occupies the other third. This means that women are designed to talk, emote and communicate in a way that men are simply not, thus proving that God has a sick sense of humor
Reason 2) We’re not in game shape.
Think about it this way. If you start working out today, are you going to be in swimsuit shape tomorrow? No. You’re not (PS. I don’t think you look fat. You totally look hot in that outfit.) It takes work to build the body you want.
The same is true here. Women aren’t born knowing how to use their innate communication abilities. They have to work at it, same as guys, but unlike guys, ladies have been flexing and training this muscle for YEARS, and by the time the an adult woman finds a guy and settles down with her, she’s ready for the world series of communicating that is a relationship.
Men, however, don’t really start communicating until they get into relationships. Why? There’s no need to, really. We don’t have to communicate with each other in the way you do. Let’s say a guy went out on a date with a woman. A conversation might go like this:
Man 1: How was the date?
Man 2: Fine
Man 1: Did you get some?
Man 2: Yup.
They high five.
Man 1: Let’s go shoot some hoops/watch the game/drink beer/whatever.
End of conversation.
See? We talk about things, we just don’t dissect them, like you do. So when you want to start talking about our feelings, don’t get frustrated if you don’t get a great, long winded oration in response. We’re simply trying to flex a muscle that has been ignored or underused, and expecting your man to perform on the same level as you is like expecting Steve Erkel challenge a bodybuilder to an arm wrestling contest and win . It will take time for us to get to your level on this issue. Be patient. And encouraging.
Reason 3) We don’t want you telling anyone else.
If Sex and the City taught me anything, it’s that women tell their girlfriends EVERYTHING. A woman’s girlfriends know everything about her and if she has a man in her life, they know everything about him too, good and bad. This means EVERYTHING. This is really terrifying to the most secure of guys, even though most women mean no harm when they dish with the girls.
Why? Most men have what I call “the Godfather mentality” meaning we’re all about one thing and one thing only. RESPECT. That means many things, not the least of which is:
YOU DON’T RAT OUT YOUR FRIENDS. PERIOD. NO EXECPTIONS.
When we tell someone one of our deepest darkest secrets, we do so with the understanding that the person listening to said information will take it to the grave. The idea that you would tell your girlfriends that which was said in confidence to you is, in our minds a huge betrayal, and that’s something we just can’t stand. In our minds, if you loved us, you wouldn’t do that. Don’t try explaining, for in the mind of a man, everything is clear cut right or wrong, and to us, this is always wrong. We’re not willing to change our position on the issue any more than you are willing to withhold the goods from your girls. Just be aware how we feel and know you can win major points with a man when you say “I won’t tell the girls that” or “this will stay just between us, no matter what” and you may get him comfortable enough to open up even more. We know you and the girls are a package deal. Just know if we knew how much you told the girls, we’d probably bolt.
Why don’t we? This is one of the practical applications of the word denial. We simply don’t know or refuse to believe the truth. If we did, abstinence rates would go through the roof(either than or homosexuality among men would, lol).
I hope these insight helps you, Miss Frustrated. Your man is capable of it. Just be patient. The average man speaks 7,000 words a day. The average woman speaks 20,000 a day! So it’s going to take a while. You’re going to have to be okay with the role of sensei on this one. It won’t happen overnight. And be sure to offer praise and encouragement. After all, if he’s willing to try and re-wire his brain to make you happy, he’s gotta be a keeper, right?
Wednesday, September 19, 2007
The head of the class...
Dear Tazz,
See - once upon a time, I didn't like giving blowjobs for personal
reasons. I have gotten over my hangups but just haven't had occasion
to use my talents in recent years. So I would like to know some do's and don'ts
about handling a man's cock in my mouth...
Signed,
M.
_____
Dear M,
Relax. It's going to be okay. Performing oral on a man, is quite easy, really. And the beauty of it is,
what works on one penis will usually work on them all. So don't worry. Practice makes perfect and your man
will certainly be receptive to your learning process.
What's the first rule of giving head: You have to like doing it. Women make be able to fake orgasms worthy
of Academy Awards, but they can't fake this one. You either like giving head, or you dont' and we know in two seconds.
Seriously. You think you're fooling us, but you're not. And there's nothing worse than getting head from a
woman who doesn't like doing it but does it anyway because she feels she has to. We'd rather you not do it at all,
and make it up to us in other areas than suffer through a unenthusiastic performance on your part. So if you
don't want to do it, don't, and don't let the whining of your boyfriend/fuckbuddy/whoever try and convince you to do otherwise.
So you really want to improve your skils? Here are some tips from a guy's perspective:
Swallow. that's a huge turn on,
and take every last drop of it. it's easier said that done sometimes,
because some guys can produce alot, and be advised that by swallowing a man's ejaculation,
you are essentially having unprotected sex, and thus are putting yourself at risk for
all the usual bad diseases, so you either want to save this for someone you're in a serious realtionship
with, or not allow him to cum in your mouth, or run to the bathroom and spit it out.
Deep throating is also good. Take it all in, if you can, come back up, lick the head,
stare deep into his eyes as you work his shaft. Many many enjoy a good bit of the ball handling.
What's that? Suck 'em. Suck 'em good. Done right, it can lead to a mind blowing orgasm. Done wrong,
and he make wind up a watercooler story at the local E.R. How to do it you say?
Take the balls in your mouth, one at a time and suck, but gently, they are delicate
and the wrong move can hurt badly. Lick and stroke the taint(the area between the anus and
the scrotum, this is often a highly sensitive and undiscovered area on your man's body,
one that if properly attended to, can easily send him over the edge.
Another note is speed. Women, like it slow and steady, but that's not often the way guys like their head.
And often a high rate of speed is needed when sucking cock or when performing a hand job. Why? Men
often learn about their penises through masturbation, and activity that for guys, is usually done
in a situation where they are at the risk of being discovered, so they often go hard and fast, so as to cum
as soon as possibly, thus avoiding discovery. So take that into consideration. Ask you man to stroke it for you
till he cums and take notes.
Also, suction is good. Many men really love the feeling of a womans lips around them, the wet sensation it creates,
and they may not need any hand job action or fancy porn techniques. Experiment freely and without concern
about the outcome. Just focus on giving your partner sensual pleasure, and getting better each time, and he'll thank you for
it.
Tuesday, September 11, 2007
Waiting is the hardest part.
Dear Tazz,
When should I sleep with a guy?
Should I wait a certain number of dates, for example?
Signed,
To wait or not to wait?
Dear To Wait?,
When should you sleep with a guy? When you want to. It’s that simple. If it takes you twenty dates or twenty minutes to feel comfortable enough to sleep with him, fine. There’s nothing wrong with taking your time to make sure you want to sleep with a guy, nor is there anything wrong with you meeting a guy at a club and getting nasty less than an hour later. Just trust your gut and let it happen organically. Just do what feels right to you and don’t worry about the rest. It’s your life and your body and you are entitled to enjoy both on your own terms. Often, women will wait to be intimate with a guy, not because they aren’t ready to sleep with him, but because they are either afraid of being labeled a slut or ho by society or because they have a fixed, number of dates in mind.
First off, there is no such thing as a slut or a ho. They simply do not exist, in either gender. Some people choose to wait till marriage, some only have sex in committed relationships, some only like NSA encounters. None of these attitudes are wrong, despite what our puritanical society may tell you. You have the right to happiness, on your own terms. Decide what you want and live your life on your own terms, but don’t let anyone tell you what that is.
So don’t worry, be happy, and remember be careful out there.
When should I sleep with a guy?
Should I wait a certain number of dates, for example?
Signed,
To wait or not to wait?
Dear To Wait?,
When should you sleep with a guy? When you want to. It’s that simple. If it takes you twenty dates or twenty minutes to feel comfortable enough to sleep with him, fine. There’s nothing wrong with taking your time to make sure you want to sleep with a guy, nor is there anything wrong with you meeting a guy at a club and getting nasty less than an hour later. Just trust your gut and let it happen organically. Just do what feels right to you and don’t worry about the rest. It’s your life and your body and you are entitled to enjoy both on your own terms. Often, women will wait to be intimate with a guy, not because they aren’t ready to sleep with him, but because they are either afraid of being labeled a slut or ho by society or because they have a fixed, number of dates in mind.
First off, there is no such thing as a slut or a ho. They simply do not exist, in either gender. Some people choose to wait till marriage, some only have sex in committed relationships, some only like NSA encounters. None of these attitudes are wrong, despite what our puritanical society may tell you. You have the right to happiness, on your own terms. Decide what you want and live your life on your own terms, but don’t let anyone tell you what that is.
So don’t worry, be happy, and remember be careful out there.
Thursday, August 23, 2007
That's me in the corner.
I've been very fascinated by the response to this column. Most of it has been positive. Most people see it for what it is, entertainment. Sure, there's some insights here about men, and hopefully it's informative. Hopefully, it's seen helpful and you, the reader have enjoyed a few chuckles reading it. I had hoped that this blog would be a positive thing, a way to bridge the gap in understanding between the sexes in a fun way, without all that "Mars and Venus crap.
But not everyone is a fan. Today, I got an email in response to the "rack mounted" post of yesterday.
He said:
"Wow, you really hate women, don't you? This guy is an even bigger jerk than you are!
And I Say That Affectionately."
Now, I don't know how anyone can "affectionately" call you a sexist jerk, but that's a separate issue entirely.
First off, let me address the obvious: I do not hate women. I have had my issues with specific women, as have many men, but that does not mean I have issues with women in general. Are all women bad? Hardly. Meditation teaches us that no one is bad, just the condition that they are afflicted with(anger, attachment, etc). I agree with this. I approach all people with compassion, especially women. Take any woman on the street. She is someone's daughter. She is someone's friend, lover and confidant. She might also be someone's wife and mother. Those are all amazingly wonderful things. When you take that in to account, how could you hate anyone? I can't. I didn't always think this, mind you, but I have a much healthier outlook now, that I did previously.
I think women are amazing creatures. They smell good, and they giggle and they are mysteries that we as men will never fully unravel. That's okay. That's the beauty of it. They have different skills, thoughts, attitudes and outlooks. They fill in our gaps and vice versa. Men are not better than women, they are just different. We are raised and conditioned differently.
What I do hate, though, is Dr. Phil and most of those so called "relationship" experts. Why? Because I feel that their work is incredibly biased. Dr. Phil literally says(In his book "relationship rescue") Men are dumb. We don't get it." That may be true, but it seems incredibly biased to me, to say the very least. Just the thought of it makes my blood pressure rise.
I know I am on to something with this blog. I will not apologize for it, or what I have said. I do not think I should be condemned for it. I said it like it is, and that's brave. There is no fault in that. It isn't intended to win or lose friends, rather, just to be honest about the way guys can feel about things and maybe, just maybe people laugh along the way. That was the mandate with which I created this.
If I have veered from that mandate, then that is a problem. This blog is not intended to be my personal opinion as stated before, and it is intended to have a fun and sarcastic, not hostile tone. If it is coming off like I am stating personal opinions and those opinions are sexist, then I need to make some adjustments. No harm in doing that.
So, let me have it readers! Post a comment, tell me what you think. I'd really like to hear it.
But not everyone is a fan. Today, I got an email in response to the "rack mounted" post of yesterday.
He said:
"Wow, you really hate women, don't you? This guy is an even bigger jerk than you are!
And I Say That Affectionately."
Now, I don't know how anyone can "affectionately" call you a sexist jerk, but that's a separate issue entirely.
First off, let me address the obvious: I do not hate women. I have had my issues with specific women, as have many men, but that does not mean I have issues with women in general. Are all women bad? Hardly. Meditation teaches us that no one is bad, just the condition that they are afflicted with(anger, attachment, etc). I agree with this. I approach all people with compassion, especially women. Take any woman on the street. She is someone's daughter. She is someone's friend, lover and confidant. She might also be someone's wife and mother. Those are all amazingly wonderful things. When you take that in to account, how could you hate anyone? I can't. I didn't always think this, mind you, but I have a much healthier outlook now, that I did previously.
I think women are amazing creatures. They smell good, and they giggle and they are mysteries that we as men will never fully unravel. That's okay. That's the beauty of it. They have different skills, thoughts, attitudes and outlooks. They fill in our gaps and vice versa. Men are not better than women, they are just different. We are raised and conditioned differently.
What I do hate, though, is Dr. Phil and most of those so called "relationship" experts. Why? Because I feel that their work is incredibly biased. Dr. Phil literally says(In his book "relationship rescue") Men are dumb. We don't get it." That may be true, but it seems incredibly biased to me, to say the very least. Just the thought of it makes my blood pressure rise.
I know I am on to something with this blog. I will not apologize for it, or what I have said. I do not think I should be condemned for it. I said it like it is, and that's brave. There is no fault in that. It isn't intended to win or lose friends, rather, just to be honest about the way guys can feel about things and maybe, just maybe people laugh along the way. That was the mandate with which I created this.
If I have veered from that mandate, then that is a problem. This blog is not intended to be my personal opinion as stated before, and it is intended to have a fun and sarcastic, not hostile tone. If it is coming off like I am stating personal opinions and those opinions are sexist, then I need to make some adjustments. No harm in doing that.
So, let me have it readers! Post a comment, tell me what you think. I'd really like to hear it.
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