Friday, June 18, 2010

This is the LAST BLOG EVER....

Hello all, welcome to the last post on this blog EVER!

Don't fret, we're moving to a dedicated site. The website is already up, I just need to add the plugins so you can share the blog posts on facebook, twitter, or your favorite social networking site. Here goes:

Q: Why do men have midlife crisis, bolt on the wife & kids, and hook up with some young girl?

SHE SAID: I think both men and women are prone to having a midlife crisis, it's just a different way of dealing with those feelings that makes the difference.

Obviously the old image of the balding man in the red sports car is an oft made-fun-of stereotype for a reason - because it's happened, a lot. Such the same can be said for the new young girlfriend. A fast car and a nubile woman makes a man feel alive - and nothing revs that fading testosterone faster than a life-affirming shot in the arm. Some men choose to stay and focus on the path they've carved out for themselves - others want a second chance and don't hesitate to take it.

As for the children - if a relationship isn't working between the parents, I do believe it's better for the kids if the parents part ways; no matter how painful it might be at the time. No one can be happy if everyone is complicit in living a lie. In which case, the sooner that family changes their dynamics, the better. That's not to say the father is still not responsible emotionally and financially. A new car and/or a new gal does not wash away the past.

I think anyone with these feelings owes it to him or herself to deeply contemplate what's really going on. Is it a true unhappiness with your partner that can't be rectified? Or are you throwing it all away for the thrill of the new, without regards for the consequences? Stop and think. If you find out it's the latter and you want to go home at the end of your fling, you might find the door to your old life closed.

No one wants to get old and no one wants to die. It sucks that our ride on this beautiful planet eventually comes to an end. But, as the wonderful and wise George Harrison once sang, all things must pass. Society doesn't make aging easy and everyone wants to keep grabbing for the ease of youth. However, stages of life are a reality, no matter how much Botox you indulge in. Stop reaching for outside sources to validate you. Youth fades, no matter how hard you struggle. Your best bet is becoming your own best friend. Peace of mind is more valuable than the temporary band-aid of fresh pussy - though I suspect quite a few guys will argue with me on this one! Let me put it this way - it's called a midlife CRISIS for a reason. And I, for one, don't invite anything into my life that's associated with panic.


Ever wonder why these mistress that men leave their wives for are often not as hot as their wives? Sometimes, you really do just need variety, but most times, it's because the mistress does what the wife stopped doing along time ago: making him feel like a king. They stopped being his biggest fan and started being Kate Gosselin.

That's your job as a married woman. To worship your man. To love him, to cherish him, to tell him how much you appreciate him and how you'd be miserable without him. I'm not saying be his slave(although that can be pretty hot sometimes), but your job is to make him feel strong, important, relevant in today's sexist, man hating society. Just in the way that if a woman's needs aren't met, she's going to start looking elsewhere, a man will too.

Where does this all start? Childbirth. Kids are wonderful and amazing and all that jazz, but something happens to some women. I call it "mommy mode." Women, when they have children are now wives AND mothers. A woman stuck in "mommy mode" completely forgets about the former and focus exclusively on the latter. He's no longer a lover or a husband, or your best friend, or your hero. He's "the help." And his only job is diaper duty, bringing home the bacon and dealing with the hell you've turned his life into. After a few years (and several kids) of this, he cracks. He needs to be treated like a sexual being, someone capable of taking a woman to the heights of ecstasy and not just someone to help with the kids.

So some little Ms. Thing comes along. She's young, hasn't seen much of the world, isn't too terribly knowledgeable about anything. She sees your man. Sees his humor, his cute butt, and is smitten. He's kind, and nice, and is so thrilled to be around a woman who doesn't try and cut his balls off, that he actually finds himself flirtatious and charming again. She's turned on by the attention, and it goes from there.

A man in this situation can't make rational decisions. His wife cut off his balls years ago, and he's not sure what to do with all the blood flow no longer going to his genitals(which she keeps in a glass jar somewhere), and he hasn't had a decent night's sleep in years with all the dreamkillers(I mean children), so of course he can't make the smartest decision so he hooks up with the girl. So he makes the dumb one.

Or is it? Life's too short to be that miserable. I'm all for couples therapy and all that jazz, but mostly women are in favor of going to therapy to rake her man over the coals for all the stuff he's doing wrong, and frankly, he may not want to save the marriage. Quite often, if he's at this point, he's willing to cut his losses and give up half of everything, just to get his balls and his freedom back. He might have been over this marriage/relationship for a while, and in that frame of mind there's just no point in trying to salvage it.

So ladies. Never, ever forget that you have to be a wife AND mother. If you stop doing one, you're going to lose the other.

But guys, realize that the grass isn't always greener. I could talk about it, but I think I will let Chris Rock talk about you about commitment vs new p*ssy.

Tuesday, June 15, 2010

Sunday, June 13, 2010