I can't believe I'm still getting mileage out of this one, but I am. Here it is and enjoy! New short, "lent-less" is coming soon!
Wednesday, April 30, 2008
Wanna know why guys don't want to get married?
We're afraid we'll meet a nice girl, then after we get married, she'll turn into this....
Thursday, April 24, 2008
Therapuetic Value, or lack there of...
Q. My guy friend is having trouble with finding the kind of women he wants to meet, and to cheer up him I told him that he was a great guy and he would find the right girl someday. I thought he’d take it as a compliment, instead he got mad and stormed off. Why is that?
A. There are two things you should NEVER, EVER say to a guy.
1. Let’s just be friends(I’ve already covered this one)
2. You’re a great guy, you’ll find the right girl some day
The next time you think about saying that to a guy, do him a favor. Cut off his dick and then puree it in a food processor for sixty seconds. It’s way less painful, and nowhere near as emasculating.
Why do we feel that way? Well imagine your best girlfriend was trying to hook you up with this hot guy you like. In describing you to the guy, she says “she’s got a really great personality.” Which basically means you’re a fat cow, who only a blind man could love otherwise she’d be telling him how fucking hot and doable you are.
And when you found out about all this, you’d be pissed at her. You’d be like “why didn’t you tell him about my great rack! Or my nymphomania. Or the fact that I’ll have his babies(don’t tell us this one. Seriously. That’s dumb).” You’d go off on her for not selling your strong points, because a girl with “a good personality” is got about as much chance of getting laid as Jesse Jackson does being honored by the KKK.
Never, ever, ever say that to a man. Ever. Cut out your tongue if you have to. Kill yourself if it’s the only way to suppress the urge. It’s for the best, really.
Why do we feel this strongly? Because saying that to us, makes us feel like that guy from the PG 13 movie, the one that everyone is really pulling for, because they totally wanna see him get the girl. But does he? No? You know who does? The asshole fratboy/jock who treats her like shit, but she totally falls all over because she has daddy issue(maybe not, but you get the point).
We’d rather be dead than that guy, and our continued existence and thus society in general is predicated on us convincing ourselves that we are NOT that guy, even if we are. And you saying “you’re a really great guy…” tells a guy that he is the guy he fears becoming. And really, how productive or helpful is that?
You wanna make your friend feel better? Say “fuck that bitch. Any woman who doesn’t want to be with you is a stupid cunt and should burn in hell” It should take about three seconds to see the tears of joy well up in his eyes. He totally isn’t crying by the way. His contact is fucking with him. Both of them.
If that doesn’t work, get him laid. By you or someone else. Because the best way to get over someone, is by getting under someone else. At least in our world.
A. There are two things you should NEVER, EVER say to a guy.
1. Let’s just be friends(I’ve already covered this one)
2. You’re a great guy, you’ll find the right girl some day
The next time you think about saying that to a guy, do him a favor. Cut off his dick and then puree it in a food processor for sixty seconds. It’s way less painful, and nowhere near as emasculating.
Why do we feel that way? Well imagine your best girlfriend was trying to hook you up with this hot guy you like. In describing you to the guy, she says “she’s got a really great personality.” Which basically means you’re a fat cow, who only a blind man could love otherwise she’d be telling him how fucking hot and doable you are.
And when you found out about all this, you’d be pissed at her. You’d be like “why didn’t you tell him about my great rack! Or my nymphomania. Or the fact that I’ll have his babies(don’t tell us this one. Seriously. That’s dumb).” You’d go off on her for not selling your strong points, because a girl with “a good personality” is got about as much chance of getting laid as Jesse Jackson does being honored by the KKK.
Never, ever, ever say that to a man. Ever. Cut out your tongue if you have to. Kill yourself if it’s the only way to suppress the urge. It’s for the best, really.
Why do we feel this strongly? Because saying that to us, makes us feel like that guy from the PG 13 movie, the one that everyone is really pulling for, because they totally wanna see him get the girl. But does he? No? You know who does? The asshole fratboy/jock who treats her like shit, but she totally falls all over because she has daddy issue(maybe not, but you get the point).
We’d rather be dead than that guy, and our continued existence and thus society in general is predicated on us convincing ourselves that we are NOT that guy, even if we are. And you saying “you’re a really great guy…” tells a guy that he is the guy he fears becoming. And really, how productive or helpful is that?
You wanna make your friend feel better? Say “fuck that bitch. Any woman who doesn’t want to be with you is a stupid cunt and should burn in hell” It should take about three seconds to see the tears of joy well up in his eyes. He totally isn’t crying by the way. His contact is fucking with him. Both of them.
If that doesn’t work, get him laid. By you or someone else. Because the best way to get over someone, is by getting under someone else. At least in our world.
Friday, April 18, 2008
Where are the good ones at?
This blog is now located here: http://www.dicksinthecity.com/2008/04/18/where-are-the-good-ones-at-2/
Thursday, April 10, 2008
Funny or die?
Q: I read this article: http://www.psychologytoday.com/rss/index.php?term=20050808-000003&page=1
That basically said guys don’t like funny chicks. Why is that?
A: That’s an excellent question.
First, let me say I do agree with the study. I think its true that most guys want women to be the ones to laugh at the jokes, not tell them(all except me, of course).
We like women to get our jokes, but do we really want to spend the rest of our lives with someone who constantly busts our balls? Not in general, no. We just don’t. Why? For several reasons, I think.
First and foremost, if we want someone to bust our balls, we’ll hang out with the guys. That’s not something we’re really looking for in a relationship. Especially since if you’re in possession of some of our most intimate thoughts, feelings, secrets, you know where to hit us where it hurts, and in ways that our guy friends can’t. Women are also more comfortable joking about things that we aren’t, and we just don’t talk about those things in the way that you do. You might think turning to your man and saying “when are you going to learn to use that penis thing of yours?” is funny, but I can assure, that he will not find that humorous.
I also think a lot of the issue with women who are funny is male ego and insecurity. Can you really handle it, as a guy if your girl is the one with all the witty saying and snappy comebacks and you couldn’t come up with one if your life dependent on it? I know several guys who are in relationships like that, and I know they hate it.
I also believe that humor strongly indicates high intelligence. You have to be a big smarty pants in order to have snappy jokes and comebacks at the ready. You only have a split second to react, so someone who isn’t that bright just isn’t going to know what to do. If a girl is smart than a guy, it can go against the typical male ideal, that he’s the top dog and the woman is his equal, not his superior. Some guys can handle that(and even like it), many others can not. I’m guessing that you are a funny chick, and your man can’t handle that. It’s not your problem, it’s his.
Bottom line is this: funny and creative people have a tough road to hoe when it comes to dating. It’s just harder for us, period. Why? Because we see the world in a way you’re your average person does not, and if you are creative, you probably don’t fit into the “square peg, round role” that is every day regular life. You just don’t.
There’s really no way around that, and if you’re a funny girl, you’re probably already noticed that. There’s really not much I or anyone else can to do change it, but there are a few things to keep in mind to help ease the pain.
Go where the funny boys are. Guys who are standups, comedians, improvisers or just plain old SNL addicts will generally be very used to funny women and won’t be threaten by them. Also, know that birds of a feather flock together, so it’s more likely that if you find yourself a funny guy who’s into comedy, he’s more than likely going to want a partner who is as well.
Play to the room: when you find a guy you like, figure out what kind of humor your guy likes(family friendly vs. vulgar), and how thick his skin is. Then tailor your humor to his palette, at least initially, as time goes by and you have that comfort level, etc, you can start to put in other kinds of humor, and generally adjust his palette a bit.
Know that if he gets your humor, he gets you. The more your humor is central to who you are, the more important this is. If you’re a comedian, and he has no funny bone, or your brand of humor tickles most funny bones, but not his, it’s just not going to work long term. Period. Know this going in, so you can decide between your two options: either you bail now, or you enjoy the ride, knowing that it can never be long term. Nothing wrong with a little fun. Try it all out and see what you like.
That basically said guys don’t like funny chicks. Why is that?
A: That’s an excellent question.
First, let me say I do agree with the study. I think its true that most guys want women to be the ones to laugh at the jokes, not tell them(all except me, of course).
We like women to get our jokes, but do we really want to spend the rest of our lives with someone who constantly busts our balls? Not in general, no. We just don’t. Why? For several reasons, I think.
First and foremost, if we want someone to bust our balls, we’ll hang out with the guys. That’s not something we’re really looking for in a relationship. Especially since if you’re in possession of some of our most intimate thoughts, feelings, secrets, you know where to hit us where it hurts, and in ways that our guy friends can’t. Women are also more comfortable joking about things that we aren’t, and we just don’t talk about those things in the way that you do. You might think turning to your man and saying “when are you going to learn to use that penis thing of yours?” is funny, but I can assure, that he will not find that humorous.
I also think a lot of the issue with women who are funny is male ego and insecurity. Can you really handle it, as a guy if your girl is the one with all the witty saying and snappy comebacks and you couldn’t come up with one if your life dependent on it? I know several guys who are in relationships like that, and I know they hate it.
I also believe that humor strongly indicates high intelligence. You have to be a big smarty pants in order to have snappy jokes and comebacks at the ready. You only have a split second to react, so someone who isn’t that bright just isn’t going to know what to do. If a girl is smart than a guy, it can go against the typical male ideal, that he’s the top dog and the woman is his equal, not his superior. Some guys can handle that(and even like it), many others can not. I’m guessing that you are a funny chick, and your man can’t handle that. It’s not your problem, it’s his.
Bottom line is this: funny and creative people have a tough road to hoe when it comes to dating. It’s just harder for us, period. Why? Because we see the world in a way you’re your average person does not, and if you are creative, you probably don’t fit into the “square peg, round role” that is every day regular life. You just don’t.
There’s really no way around that, and if you’re a funny girl, you’re probably already noticed that. There’s really not much I or anyone else can to do change it, but there are a few things to keep in mind to help ease the pain.
Go where the funny boys are. Guys who are standups, comedians, improvisers or just plain old SNL addicts will generally be very used to funny women and won’t be threaten by them. Also, know that birds of a feather flock together, so it’s more likely that if you find yourself a funny guy who’s into comedy, he’s more than likely going to want a partner who is as well.
Play to the room: when you find a guy you like, figure out what kind of humor your guy likes(family friendly vs. vulgar), and how thick his skin is. Then tailor your humor to his palette, at least initially, as time goes by and you have that comfort level, etc, you can start to put in other kinds of humor, and generally adjust his palette a bit.
Know that if he gets your humor, he gets you. The more your humor is central to who you are, the more important this is. If you’re a comedian, and he has no funny bone, or your brand of humor tickles most funny bones, but not his, it’s just not going to work long term. Period. Know this going in, so you can decide between your two options: either you bail now, or you enjoy the ride, knowing that it can never be long term. Nothing wrong with a little fun. Try it all out and see what you like.
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