Dear DITC:
I've been dating my boyfriend for a couple years, we had a spat, broke up for a while and got back together. Shortly thereafter, I got pregnant. I know it's his, and I want him to be a stand up man and support me through the whole process(birthing classes, baby expenses, etc). He says he wants a paternity test. Who does he think he is? I mean, I know it's his, why is he doing this?
Signed, WTF?
Dear WTF?
You "know" it's his, really? How exactly is that? Do you have access to some sort of pre-natal DNA testing device? Do you have ESP? Did you borrow the delorian and go into the future to find out the results of the test?
No, of course you didn't.
What does that mean? It means you don't know who the father is, and niether does he.
Think he's a dick? No, he's not. He's just being smart.
Take a minute to digest this undeniable truth:
A woman needs a man to impregnate her, and a woman needs a man to help her raise/provide for the baby.
THOSE MEN DO NOT HAVE TO BE THE SAME PERSON.
Quite often, they aren't. This doesn't mean women are sluts or or whores or evil. It's just a basic truth of evolution. Women are programmed to find the strongest seed they can during ovulation, and often that will lead her to the "alpha" or "player" type. She'll find herself dressing hotter than usual, being more flirtatious, and having sex with people she wouldn't normally, and often engaging in unprotected intercourse when she wouldn't otherwise.
This goes for women who are married, in committed relationships, etc. They will seek out the strongest seed, no matter where it may lie, because that's what they are designed to do.
Just as they are designed to do that, they are also designed to find the strongest male role model type to help her raise said child. Often they will seek him out and conveniently "get pregnant" shortly after they start getting physically intimate. They never tell the "provider type" about the other guys, because "they don't count." And frankly, she'd be stupid to tell him, because:
MEN REALLY LIKE/DESPERATELY NEED TO KNOW THAT THE KID(S) THEY ARE RAISING ARE THERE OWN.
Some men would gladly raise the child anyway, figuring that if they met the girl, and she had a kid, he'd love and raise anyway.
But for most men, myself included, we need to spread the seed. We need to know that kid we're paying for for the REST OF OUR LIVES is 100% the fruit of my loins.
That's not often the case. At least 11% of men in N. America are unknowingly raising children that are not theirs. That's the stat. I think it's MUCH MUCH HIGHER.
So what does that mean?
Look at it this way. You were broken up. You probably had sexual partners during that time. Anyone one of which could of potentially be the father of your child. Your man knows this. The timing of your pregnancy is fishy at best to him, and is bound to arise suspicion. He has every right to be on guard.
So before you and your girlfriends call him a shithead and go Lorena Bobbitt on him, try looking at his side of things. Then decide.
