Get 'er done....

Dear Tazz13_632,
My husband isn’t as “skilled” sexually as I’d like him to be. Sure, he means well, and he tries hard enough(no pun intended), but what he’s doing just isn’t working for me. What do I do?
Signed,Close, but no cigar.

Dear Close,
If your man isn’t doing it for you, there’s only one person to blame: yourself. See, fucking a pussy(or eating it, for that matter), is like driving a car. No one comes out of the womb knowing how to do it. It’s something you have to learn.

And do you learn to drive a car in a vacuum? No, you don’t. You have a teacher, guiding you along the way. Someone who would teach you where the turn signal was, how to start the engine, how to pump the gas, slam on the break, not to mention how to parallel park. And did you know how to drive that car perfectly after one lesson? No, no you didn’t. It took many lessons, and numerous experiments and failed attempts to get you on the good side of the learning curve. And above all, the instruction occurred over a period of time, during which the student was getting constant feedback, encouragement and progress reports. If something was getting better, then you didn’t worry about it as much. If something needed more attention, you focused on that until you were ready to take that driving test and make it your bitch.
See where I’m going? Your man needs to be educated. You really can’t fault him for not knowing what he’s doing. Most men don’t. Why? Because nobody ever told us how to. Women would rather endure bad or mediocre sex than tell her man it’s not working. (She’ll tell all her friends about it, but that’s another story.) I’m really fascinated by this. There is no male equivalent. If a woman’s not giving a blow job properly, no man on earth will hesitate to tell her what to do to get the job done. Women, just don’t speak up. I’ve been told it’s because they were either raised to not say bad things to people or, because they’re afraid it will bruise the male ego or cause performance issues.Maybe. But you know what would really hurt his feelings or cause performance issues? Finding out that he’s not doing it for you in the wrong way, like from one of your friends, or you telling him in a heated argument.
He really does want to give it to you better than anyone, he just needs help. See, many men think they are God’s gift to the vagina, when they’re anything but. Why? Because women have told them so. Men have been hoodwinked, bamboozled. Hell! We didn’t land on Plymouth Rock, Plymouth Rock landed on us! Maybe, not, but you get the point. If you tell us we’re good, we’ll believe you, even though you might be saying it to make us feel better, but it’s not making anything better, it’s just setting us up for a fall.

It’s harder for men than women anyway. Learn to suck one dick, you can suck ‘em all. But a vagina is not so simple. What makes one woman multi-orgasmic will make another one yawn to death from boredom. So every time a guy is with a woman, he’s having to relearn everything and figure out what gets this one off, because she’s not saying and quite often, she doesn’t know herself. That’s a huge problem. Women really need to be able to communicate to their partners what they want and don’t want in the bedroom, and they can’t do that if they don’t know what that is. The best lover I have ever had was the best simply because she knew exactly what it took to get her off, and was very helpful in showing me the best way to do that for her. So many women just expect men to “figure it out” and that’s sad in my opinion. You deserve to be happy and great sex and lots of orgasms certainly is a part of anyone’s happiness, in my opinion. It’s a non issue for guys. We get both of those every time, but women, not so much. And it’s a HUGE misconception that you can’t talk about this with guys. You can, and they want you to, it’s just a matter of how to properly broach the subject.

How do you do that, you say? Simple. After a love making session, say “That was hot, but you know what would be REALLY, REALLY hot? If we did…” then fill in the blank. That’s the proper way of giving constructive sexual feedback to a man, because it doesn’t come off as an attack, and it’s not just saying “You’re doing it wrong!” it says “This is how I want you to do it instead, and it’ll be way hotter for both of us.” I know many women have neither the time nor the inclination to teach a man how to work the baby maker, but I can assure you, it is your most sacred obligation to women everywhere. And don’t think he’ll figure it out eventually.

Why? Because obviously we won’t, or we would have. And frankly, I think if you don’t educate your man on the ways of women, you are doing a disservice to women everywhere. Why? Because, you and your man probably won’t be together forever. It’s a fact. He’s going to move on after it’s over, again, and he will probably perpetuate the vicious cycle of bad/mediocre sex until some brave woman sits him down and teaches him how to do it properly, because that’s the only way your man, or any other will ever learn.